There has been a lot in the media lately (Sydney Morning Herald at least) about the chronic rise in the national Caesarean rate. While the World Health Organisation says that modern, westernised countries should maintain a rate of 15%, over 40% of Aussie mums are going under the knife to deliver their babies. Hip hip hooray for Caesareans because they do save lives - just in the last month I have known two friends who's babies would have died had they not been on the operating table within minutes of a serious diagnosis. And we are in one of the best countries in the world to undergo such a major surgical procedure.
However, somewhere along the line women have been misled into thinking that a Caesarean will circumvent pelvic floor damage. "A honeymoon-tight twat" was what one woman told me she was hoping to achieve by having a Caesarean. The fact is that carrying a baby to full term is what causes common pelvic floor damage so all women are in the same boat! The big question is: are you making a childbirth choice that's best for your vagina or that's best for your baby? Which is more important?
So what's a bloke to do? You want to support your partner through the pregnancy and birth as best you can. You want the best outcome possible for the woman you love and the baby you will adore. So how do you make sense of the big fat choice: to Caesar or not to Caesar? I'm not talking about the decisions that need to be made when your partner is in labour, you are presented with the possibility that a vaginal birth won't happen and you have to consider the "surgical vaginal bypass". I'm more concerned about the elective Caesareans that are worrying health authorities.
The best thing you can do as a dad is to talk, talk and talk with your partner. Do your research together to weigh up the pros and cons of vaginal verses surgical delivery. Make her feel supported and understood in her fears. She's facing a big challenge and it's a challenge that our society has turned into a fear festival. You have to really look at your preferences and see what is driving them from your perspective. Are you leaning towards a c-section so that you can plan your annual leave better? The unknown delivery date is always a curly one to manage with your boss. Are you encouraging her to take the surgical option because that takes the heat off you as a birth support partner? Think about this carefully and with the BABY in mind. Help your partner weigh up the motives that are driving her preferences as well and make sure you have the hard facts to help you understand the options.
One of your jobs as childbirth support partner is to fend off the horror stories! It does not help a woman to prepare for the birth of her baby (vaginally or surgically) if she's bombarded with horror stories while she's pregnant. It seems that a nice big belly is an invitation to others to offload their childbirth baggage. It's not your job to offer therapy to those who haven't had a good experience and who are still dealing with it. And it's always the bad stories that are exaggerated and perpetuated. So get good at changing the subject and steer your partner away from people who might hamper her confidence and preparation for an empowered birth.
This is not to say that you should bury your head in the sand and assume that childbirth is all aromatherapy and candles. You should do your research, know the clinical outcomes of the preferences you have and stay positive!
It's also important to remember that once you have walked through the door of childbirth and come out the other end as a dad, that you don't judge others for the childbirth choices they make. Childbirth is complex and everyone has their own fears, preferences and ways of dealing with difficult situations. So make sure that you ooo and ahhh over their new baby, not the method that was used to deliver it!
I'm sure you can tell which way I leaned for my own childbirth choices when it comes to elective Caesareans for the sake of it. I was so fearful and naive about childbirth that I spent my teens saying I would have all my babies by Caesarean. After I was married, I spent the first 8 years trying to talk my husband into adoption! It was such a surprise to me that childbirth could be a positive experience rather than a horror story, that here I sit, about to have my third, hoping I can help some other fearful mums and dads prepare for their first encounter with childbirth. My first birth was hard work: long and tiring. My second was just fantastic: easy and peaceful. I'm hoping my third will be just as easy as that and that my four year old can be part of it.
When I faced childbirth for the first time, an amazing husband by my side who supported me unconditionally (except when it came to the idea of adoption) and who empowered me to feel like I could at least attempt this childbirth caper without the help of a surgeon. If we'd had to have a Caesar, then hooray for medical science, but he was the one who made me feel like I could give birth myself.
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